Should Parents Be Forgiven for Trauma? | FriendZone Debate
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FriendZone | Make Friends ⋅ Fun Chill Active Chat ⋅ VC Social Gaming ⋅ Memes ⋅ Nitro Emojis ⋅ Anime hosts a thought-provoking community debate on whether parents should be forgiven for causing long-term trauma. Members discuss the complexities of emotional abuse, the impact of upbringing on mental health, and whether forgiveness is necessary for personal growth. This discussion highlights the server's commitment to deep, meaningful conversations alongside its social gaming and anime-focused comm...
I'm not talking about small mistakes like forgetting your birthday and all. I'm talking the ones which change you as a human being sometimes with trauma,etc.
So should parents be forgiven for such grave mistakes?
People celebrate birthdays lol?
Nah
They shouldn't
Why?
Depends on the level of abuse, I think emotional is forgivable as long as it's moderate, not extreme
But what if it affected the person very much, in a bad way
If the person can use that experience to become stronger than still forgivable but if not then idk
So it doesn't matter if your mental health is at stakes. All it matters is whether you became strong because of it or not?
If it causes a lot of damage which affects their kid long term then they shouldn't rly be forgiven, also if it's smth which happened over yrs
Yes, but they are your parents
Parents shouldn't cause pain into their kids
I mean extremely negative
But they are the ones who are taking care of you. They are the ones because of whom you are alive, surviving. So I think they deserve the forgiveness
Not saying that but life has lots of instances where you have to play the hand your dealt, so your bad experiences can either make you or break you
What if those experiences broke you so hard that it improved your performances but still it left you with mental issues?
So their kids should be grateful for that? I don't think that holds much weight if the parent/s decide to not treat them well and possibly cause them trauma which affects them as they grow into adults
Ok. But should their kids be fighting against their parents to fight against such acts or should they just not forgive them and ignore them?
That would be called taking the good with the bad, I have confidence and self esteem issues from how I was raised but what would blaming my parents get me? Nothing
So you don't even try to tell them about how their actions are affecting your mental health?
I don't think they can rly fight them, especially when they're dependent on others in order to get their basic needs, all they could do is try and work on building good relations with those who don't cause them issues when they're more grown up and from there it depends what they would personally wanna do
So they should just remain silent to all the mental torture which your parents are giving you?
I mean you can but usually when parents cause abuse they are not actively aware of it in the moment
Tbh that might be the only option some have, but if they know someone they can trust (like a brother/ sister figure or a close friend) it might be easier for them to go through it
At some point you would just get tire of keeping the hate or hurt🤧
So you're gonna wait it that point comes in your life?
Speaking of experience
Kinda had the whole abandonment thingy
Also not forgiving doesn't necessarily mean keeping hatred against them, especially if it's from past events which don't have as much weight in the present
So being not aware of what you're doing makes you not guilty of the action?
Is that what you're trying to say?
But, I just try to move on Nd live my life since you can't change the past
At times they might be aware but won't consider it as that
But can at least forgive since it doesn't remove anything from you
No they are guilty but depending on the treatment can still be forgiven
How?
Good point
Not easy being a parent btw
Because parents are human too
It's their first time living their lives also
Just wait till you gets kids Nd see how far you do
So humans can get away with ruining someone's peace of mind and still be forgiven?
Doesn't mean actively hurting the kid, not always a physical thing too
Yes
It's a personal choice
Yeah
And is it just because they are superior than you ?
Or is the reason something different
Forgiving them doesn't make the past right or okay. But at least you have try to let go of a few things I guess
Yes but we gotta know if that choice actually helps that individual or not
Doesn't sound right, that person could get an unstable mind cos of what happened to them (I don't mean crazy, just not much peace)
Still up to the individual.
Not everything has to help you for you to do it
But what do you think?
Should a person remain silent on such cruel activities or should he speak up?
Well, I wish I could tell you about my experience but it's too long
Does that include forgiving extreme issues which ppl very much understood what they were doing/saying
Long story short,they did ask for forgiveness, and I asked why did he do what he did 
You just gotta tell us how to deal with it or to be more accurate, how you think the situation should actually be handled
I don't know. It's all up to the individual Nd their experience
Kay
I think moving on sometimes helps, without necessarily forgiving them
We are asking your opinion though. So you can give your opinion irrespective of thinking about other individuals
Like just leaving things in the past, especially if they're just a part of ur life
Not always tho
What about the future sufferings?
Pretty much this, there is no right or wrong answer it's up to the person and what happened to them
You can sit here all day and pick the argument apart lol
Depends on if it's still actively going on, but if they're a child/teen then there's less options on what they can do but they should at least have some sort of support
At times forgiveness should be out of the question tho, depending on how extreme it is
Oh. So I grew up without my dad and with my Gramps, so the day my grandpa was buried. My dad and his people came Nd was trying to ask for forgiveness Nd reunion stuff I guess. My other siblings didn't even want to see them but I was the eldest so I had to talk to my brother Nd get us to see them also partly because of my mom too. Anyways, all was forgiven, although it didn't make the past go away.
Exactly
Good point. But how could a kid decide which is extreme and which is not if he thinks that his/her parents should not be addressed about it by him/her
For something someone may call extreme might not be the same for another
Yeah fair point
It is up to the person,
Parents aren't entitled to your forgiveness if they caused serious trauma or something like that
Parents are adults not just adults , matured adults most knew what they were doing
In the end family matters
I think they'll somewhat understand if it is acc extreme, especially with how they may respond to what happened or actively has been happening to them tho also they can't always talk to their parents abt it (idk if that's what u meant)
You can't change blood
What about your opinion? What would you do if you faced such an act
Fair answer. But does the family deserve to be called your family even if they caused great trauma to you?
Is calling them family a formality (as they are your family, you have the same blood) or is it because you want to repair whatever ties were severed in the past
No
They should not be forgiven
But why? They are your parents after all
It depends,it was serious and I don't see the need then nah
But if it wasn't serious then I would forgive
Not forgiving is different from having hatred or grudges
Grudges would affect you mentally so it is advisable to let go of that grudges even if you choose not to forgive them...
Blood is thicker than water, with the actual saying being The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb so at times 'family' might not hold as much weight, even less so if they cause some of their own to have severe trauma
They are not parents if they let an Abu*ve one slide away, they are not parents if they neglected you
They are not parents if they did not love u
They are not parents if they Lied about everything
Agreed
But they're trying their best. They are wanting the best for you.
No they want the best for themselves
They dont care about us
Sometimes forgiveness can be tricky, for example if a parent has to leave and has no or less choice in the matter
And the other just causes emotional distress
What if they cared about you but still wanted the things for themselves. And maybe to get the best for themselves,they caused a bit trauma to you
A bit trauma? Nah they ruined my life
But what if it was for the greater good?
No its not they made their choice
They are blinded by an manipulator
Bc they want to be
I love how I got betrayed in the most hurtful way ever
I can never forgiven that
Usually that's not a reason, the vast majority of time it could be for selfish reasons
I can only forgive my siblings and grandparents bc they are genue
But what if it looks like a good option?
Imagine feeling like ur in a game
And ur in a choose option
Each time
Like how, looks can decieve
It dosent feel like
Family
It feels like control
Imagine crying in the bathroom
And ur mom says
Stop playing victim
Keep crying
My sister was the one who raised us
And grandparents
They teached us something
Imagine Screaming and no one can hear u so u just want to stand infront of somewhere and die
I will never forgiven selfish, egoistic, manipulative parents
It depends rlly
Like, ive seen cases where ppl and parents reconciled after a long time, either because the parents underwent psychological treatment or because there was genuine dialogue
but there are horrible cases, where a lot of abuse and violence is involved, and if the parents dont change soon, they will never change when they're old, so its complicated
I personally think its better to forgive, not rlly for the other persons sake, but to stop carrying a burden that hurts, n forget bout their existence n the past
So majority says that parents should not be forgiven for their grave mistakes
I've asked myself this question too, bc sometimes it feels like they're doing everything they can to hurt you, bc they know that you NEED to forgive them (as they are your family)
Yes, but do you think they deserve the forgiveness?
I don't know, you've received so many responses, what's your conclusion?
Majority of people said that it depends on the individual. But I personally think that forgiving them is a bad choice
But everyone makes mistakes, no? And living with hate can be so tiring too
Part of moving on involves forgiving, you can forgive someone and never talk to them again
But it sometimes give false hope to the other person that their relationship has been repaired
Yeah,but they don't deserve the forgiveness
Well they wouldn't even have to know necessarily
You can break contact w them, but still forgive?
Yeah but it will seem like their actions are justified
Which is not good
If they don't get to know what effect their actions has made, how are they gonna work on it?
Justice is not for you to deliver
I get what you mean and it is ofc not justified, but forgiving them doesn't mean that their actions were okay. It only means that you've moved on from it and that you don't want they're actions from the past to also ruin your bright future
But to achieve that you have to address the effects of their actions. And how far they have affected you
Of course. Good point. But what if your forgiveness make them feel like their actions were justified. Forgiving them can sometimes be misinterpreted as their actions didn't cause any major problems. Which is not the thing we are trying to achieve
Yeah, it takes so much courage tho
Yes, that's true
Fuck no.
Why?
I can't exactly formulate just how I feel about it into words.
I don't hate them.
But I will never, ever forgive them.
Ok
I'm not trauma dump on a public ahh server rn, but all I'm trynna say is.
I'm not going to have kids until I know I'm ready to have them.
Financially.
and emotionally.
Good 👍
I totally respect that
No
I love how you list “forgetting your birthday” like that’s a small mistake
It is
My parents would be madddd ashamed if they ever did that lowk so it’s not a small little oopsie
Wise words
Everyone should think that way
Unfortunately, most parents who cause mental/physical harm to their children, if not all, are not ready to be parents. But then I think, how can people be prepared to have children? Nobody is born knowing, not that im defending terrible parents
