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Experience Entitlement

We’re so thankful this community continues to grow thanks to all of you, both inviting new members, welcoming new members who arrive, and deepening friendships formed here.

But with that growth, we’re also seeing expectations that friendships and relationships be formed immediately that needs addressing.

Every single person here, staff included, were new members at one point. And whether you’re here looking for a collar, friends, or just a community to be your kink self in, all of us came here looking for connection in some form.

Unfortunately, we can’t always get it exactly when or from who or in the way we want it. And that’s ok.

Connections take time. We won’t always fit in where and with whom we want. But we keep trying and engaging with the understanding that even when we don’t have what we seek in the moment, there are a lot of people here. And behind every name in this server, on your screen, is another human who has good days and bad days, outgoing days and introverted days, all of them looking for connection just like you.

Connection comes as we have faith and remain at it, remembering that along as we’re participating and treating others with kindness, not having the attention we seek when we want it rarely has anything to do with ourselves and merely that other people are people too.

Remember, we’re only the main character in our own stories. Not in others’. Though it’s easy sometimes in a server so big to feel ignored, forgotten, spoken over, it’s important it’s almost never a personal slight as much as it’s just people following their whims in a single moment. And we shouldn’t judge ourselves by watching interactions that are sometimes between members that have known each other months, years, sometimes even from outside of here or deeply from private spaces.

Of course, it's still valid to feel overlooked, spoken over, or like you're walking on eggshells. Chats move fast, and people gravitate to people they know best, which can understandably make you feel invisible when you're new or maybe just more quiet. And that hurts, because feeling include is a very human need.

But connection does come as long as we keep showing up, and staying reasonable, responsible and understanding with our expectations.