Forgiveness is not always strength.

Yeah, basically I mean that forgiveness and strength aren't automatically the same thing. Sometimes forgiving someone is healthy, but sometimes refusing to forgive is a way of acknowledging that what they did crossed a boundary. You can move on without forgiving them, and still choose not to let them back into your life.

Exactly 😂 I’m not saying forgiveness is easy. I’m saying it’s not automatically the strongest choice just because it’s difficult. Sometimes you can acknowledge what happened, move on, and still decide that person doesn’t deserve your forgiveness or a place in your life.

Yeah, I get what you mean. I think we're separating “forgiving” and “moving on” though. You can absolutely move on without forgiving someone. My point was that sometimes refusing to forgive is also valid, especially when forgiving them feels like you're compromising your own boundaries or self-respect. You can be okay without having to forgive everyone.

I see that, but I don't think letting someone occupy your mind and refusing to forgive them are necessarily the same thing. You can stop thinking about someone, accept what happened, and move on without forgiving them.

To me, forgiveness is an additional choice, not a requirement for peace. If I can let go of the anger while still thinking, “What you did was wrong, and I don't forgive you for it,” then I've still moved forward. That's why I don't see forgiveness itself as the definition of strength.

I think letting go can be okay sometimes, but not always. There are situations where holding onto what happened—not resentment, but the lesson—is important. If you completely let go of something without acknowledging the boundary that was crossed, you risk allowing the same thing to happen again.

For me, moving forward doesn't necessarily mean releasing everything. Sometimes it means remembering the lesson without letting the experience control you.

So would you say forgiveness is necessary for someone to truly move on, or can someone let go without forgiving the person?

Would you say forgiveness is necessary for moving on, or is it just one way of moving on?

So you believe forgiveness is necessary to truly move on? I think that's where we actually disagree—I'd say forgiveness can help you move on, but moving on doesn't necessarily require forgiveness.

Yeah, I understand. But if you don't think I'm wrong, what would make my view not right? What part of my reasoning do you disagree with?

Then would you say morality is entirely subjective? If so, what makes one person's reasoning more justified than another's when they fundamentally disagree?

But would you say that someone can acknowledge what happened, stop being angry about it, learn from it, and completely remove that person from their life—without ever feeling that the person deserves to be pardoned? If so, would you still call that person “stuck in the past”?

But if the majority determines the “correct” answer, wouldn't that just make something socially accepted rather than morally correct? There have been plenty of times where the majority believed something that we now consider seriously wrong. So would you say morality changes whenever the majority's belief changes?

But doesn't that make forgiveness a choice rather than a requirement for moving on? If kindness matters most when there's a reason to withhold it, wouldn't refusing to forgive also be a valid choice when the reason is strong enough? And if forgiveness is always the morally preferable option, where do you draw the line?

I understand your distinction now. But if forgiveness is a requirement for moving on, what makes forgiveness necessary rather than simply one particular way of reaching that state? If someone genuinely reaches peace, stops resenting the person, learns from what happened, and chooses not to pardon them, would you still say they haven't moved on?

I think the part I'm still not convinced by is the idea that forgiveness is a requirement for moving on. If forgiveness means accepting what happened and releasing resentment, then I can understand why you personally consider it necessary. But calling it a requirement seems to assume that every person needs the same psychological process to move forward.

For example, if someone accepts what happened, learns from it, no longer feels anger or resentment, doesn't seek revenge, and simply decides that they will never pardon the person or restore any relationship with them—what exactly remains that prevents you from calling that “moving on”? If the answer is “they haven't forgiven,” then haven't we just defined moving on in a way that makes forgiveness necessary by definition rather than demonstrated that it is actually necessary?

I understand your definition now. I think where I still differ is that you're treating forgiveness as the name for the internal state of having released resentment, whereas I see it as a conscious act of pardoning the person. Someone can reach the same emotional peace without making that act of pardon.

So maybe we're not really disagreeing about what someone should do—we're disagreeing about whether “no resentment” necessarily entails “forgiveness.”

Alright, I'll lay mine out clearly.

I don't think forgiveness is inherently a form of strength, nor do I think it's inherently weakness. I see it as a choice. Moving on, however, is a separate process.

I believe you can accept what happened, stop being consumed by anger, learn from it, and continue with your life without pardoning the person who did it. Not forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean resenting them or living in the past. Sometimes it simply means acknowledging that a line was crossed and deciding that what happened is something you won't excuse.

I also don't believe kindness requires forgiveness. You can choose not to hate someone, wish them no harm, and still refuse to forgive them. Likewise, you can forgive someone while keeping them completely outside your life.

So my main distinction is: acceptance isn't necessarily forgiveness, letting go isn't necessarily forgiveness, and moving on isn't necessarily forgiveness. They can accompany each other, but I don't see one as a requirement for the others.

That's basically where I stand.

Alright, I'll lay mine out clearly.

I don't think forgiveness is inherently a form of strength, nor do I think it's inherently weakness. I see it as a choice. Moving on, however, is a separate process.

I believe you can accept what happened, stop being consumed by anger, learn from it, and continue with your life without pardoning the person who did it. Not forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean resenting them or living in the past. Sometimes it simply means acknowledging that a line was crossed and deciding that what happened is something you won't excuse.

I also don't believe kindness requires forgiveness. You can choose not to hate someone, wish them no harm, and still refuse to forgive them. Likewise, you can forgive someone while keeping them completely outside your life.

So my main distinction is: acceptance isn't necessarily forgiveness, letting go isn't necessarily forgiveness, and moving on isn't necessarily forgiveness. They can accompany each other, but I don't see one as a requirement for the others.

That's basically where I stand.