My day-to-day journal
Day 1: July 1, 2026;
- I have uninstalled Tiktok and used an app to block Discord after a certain amount of time as I have found that two of these apps are the main source of wasting my time and destroying my mind. I have also blocked Facebook and other websites on my laptop but I still can Discord and Tiktok (for streaks), as it would mean I have to leave my bed or go downstairs to acces them which is physically more difficult than easily accessing them on my phone.
For my school, I still don't have a friend group that I can gladly say is my "circle of friends". Do I even hold conversations with them that aren't about schoolworks or the dropped pencil? It's sad I am missing out but unfortunately I kind of forgot how I can socialize
Yess!
For this year?
July 6
June*
We should VC about journals
What time?
You will get home tomorrow?
It's 10:00 PM and I was just alone in my bed with no phones
You're still awake?
You guys will still leave at 1, rigjt
Day 2: July 2, 2026;
I went to school and had to read a book in the first class for the reading program. I chose a historical fiction book which I already have read the first 160~ pages years ago, but I have long forgotten most of the contents in the book. I assume I reached page 20 where some sort of siege started.
Man I don't feel like journaling at all
Let me just say I finally tried to meditate using a YouTube video. It was 10 minutes long but I couldn't bear it at all and stopped at minute 7 barely meditating
Still very sad that I don't have a cof (circle of friends) yet and I don't think I ever will considering how significantly different these guys are to me. What worsened this was when my former classmate who was on another new school kept describing to me how good his school was, and that just reminded me of my regret for picking this school
I really only have one friend there and that's really only it
How funny as soon as I said this he immediately chatted "We can actually make a band here (at his school)" AND I am A MUSICIAN??
And my freaking fellow musicians at my dcu9oare slacking off trying to socialize with me musically
Still nobody to chat with. Sad. ๐
How will you deal with this, jajajajaja? I don't know. It's sad it's difficult for you to make friends but just be friends with yourself for now.
Have just read some Reddit posts about the same topic of isolation. Though for their situation they have absolutely no friends at all.
Found one comment there saying that the act of socializing should be taken in small steps, it is a skill that is slowly built and not so merging everybody can easily have.
It's blatant to me but atleast gave me some hope my loneliness at school can change. For now I wanna completely focus on myself and I have been thinking of buying some books about meditation
Day 3, July 2, 2026
- I have just woken up for school and I immediately watched a YouTube video by besmart about how heat affects humans. I didn't really pay any attention into it, I watched it while eating
Day 5, July 5, 2026;
The day has now started and I currently can't fall asleep at 1 AM.
