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I cant do this anymore. I just want to be loved. Is that really so much to ask? I don’t want the games, I don’t want the endless mixed signals, I don’t want the polite late-night text replies that feel like they were written by a customer service bot. I just want to wake up, look over, and know with absolute, unwavering certainty that someone is genuinely glad I exist in this cold, indifferent world.
​I swear I could cry. I could cry myself to sleep right now. Just roll over, pull the blankets over my head, let the tears soak into the pillow, and wonder what standard I failed to meet. What invisible criteria am I missing? Did I miss a patch update for human connection? I watch people fall into effortless, unconditional affection like it’s the easiest thing in the world, while I’m out here treating basic emotional warmth like it’s a legendary drop rate in an impossible game.
​I don't need grand cinematic gestures or someone standing outside my window with a boombox. I just want the small things. The "let me know when you get home" texts that actually mean something. Someone who looks at all my weird quirks, my awkward overthinking, my baggage, and instead of running for the hills, just says, "Yeah, okay, I can deal with this. I want to deal with this." I want to be someone's first choice, not their fallback option when their weekend plans fall through.
​It’s exhausting carrying around this massive reservoir of affection with nowhere to pour it. I have so much love to give, so much loyalty, so much quiet devotion just sitting here gathering dust, and yet I’m laying here in the dark feeling completely invisible. I could cry myself to sleep just thinking about the sheer distance between wanting to be held and actually being held. I just want to be loved. Truly, deeply, inconveniently loved. That’s it. That’s the whole post.