Sanity without respite - Cherry (anyone may join)

-# Cherry would warp herself here, looking around the ruined green hill. The water flowing nearby even on the high elevation she had accounted for as some of it trickles past her feet..it had nearly covered the entire loop despite her efforts from last time. It was..

“Useless..is that..really all I..”

• She would mumble this to herself before disengaging her suit, allowing it to hide itself away as she simply hugs herself while tugging her coat shut across her torso. She had even more scars and— most of them this time she had no idea where they came from! But..she knew what they were and that’s what terrified her about them. Experimentation..IX was..

• With a brief memory surfacing back to her she would spark with some negative chaos just hugging herself tighter. She knew better yet somehow she still let herself fall for it..he’s not changed much compared to those reports. Maybe more sensible..logical. But morally unchanged by everything that’s been done..

“Why..”

-# She continues to think on it for a while as the rain was starting to fall. Sprinkling down into the water as she stares at her reflection, almost tempted to reach out to it before in her eyes she can see that damned transformation in her own perspective. A trick of the mind, no one else would see it but, she knew what she was. A monster. Just like they said she was..even her mother knew that.

• (“I hate this..I just wanted to be like everyone else why do I have to be this?!”)

• Even as this thought echoes within her mind all she can do is push her knees closer to herself as she lays her face between them. She’s not really taking heed of anyone else that may be around right now. She’s tired, she wants to just— be done. There’s nothing more she can even think of to solve a problem she’s desperate to have some sort of solution to. She wanted to be normal.. or even if not just— someone no one has to be afraid of..

• Though her ear twitches as she does hear a voice. She does peak at who it was finally seeing Selena…

-# As Cherry would listen to this, she’d find it— weird, whatever they were rambling about had nothing to do with her so she’d just remain where she was as she once more hides her face between her knees while softly sparking with negative chaos energy. Her emotions were getting the better of her again. That’s not going to be good..she can’t lose her grip, not now.

• (“I can’t keep ending up like this..it’s just making things worse—“)

• Even if she thinks that she can’t help it, she is desperately trying to find a solution to an impossible problem not out of obligation but, survival. For the sake of normalcy, the sake of avoiding more agony every time she loses control..she thought that if she managed to learn of the Nocturn clan’s tech that she’d finally have a solution but. So far? Her research is proving otherwise..even by the end of the day it’s still not enough.

• (”Nothing is ever enough for it. I’m..always..”)

tul!edit >>> -# As Cherry would listen to this, she’d find it— weird, whatever they were rambling about had nothing to do with her so she’d just remain where she was as she once more hides her face between her knees while softly sparking with negative chaos energy. Her emotions were getting the better of her again. That’s not going to be good..she can’t lose her grip, not now.

• (“I can’t keep ending up like this..it’s just making things worse—“)

• Even if she thinks that she can’t help it, she is desperately trying to find a solution to an impossible problem not out of obligation but, survival. For the sake of normalcy, the sake of avoiding more agony every time she loses control..she thought that if she managed to learn of the Nocturn clan’s tech that she’d finally have a solution but. So far? Her research is proving otherwise..even by the end of the day it’s still not enough.

• (”Nothing is ever enough for it. I’m..always..”)

• (context anything in parentheses like these is how I represent thought bubbles)

(You can remove a tupper message by reacting with an X emoji

• I can show you more of what tupper does if you’d like rq

• yeah I see this as fine

-# Cherry just continues thinking. Not verbally saying anything but as the negative chaos surged for a moment, it may seem like a threat for a moment. But with that expression barely seen, her eyes reveal just how exhausted she was as whatever light you’d usually expect even from frustration was simply not there. It seemed like she was not even paying attention to Selena right now.

• (“Over..and over..I just can’t..”)

• (“Am I really just useless? I’ve spent..so long trying to fix everything so no one has to worry— to even care! But..so,Euler everytime I’ve tried my hand at a solution it only makes it worse.”)

• Her hands clutch tightly around her arms as she closes her eyes. Trying to just focus on calming herself, she’s not thinking straight and the negative chaos isn’t helping. It only sways her emotions in waves that reach far too much for what she truly feels. She even feels angry at Selena but— she knows that’s not how she actually feels. It’s just the magnifying every single bad swing through her mind. The signals in her brain not acting right at all as she can feel her temper waver for a moment before she forces herself to breathe while her body briefly twitches. More of the negative chaos energy sparks from her, to any mobian? It’s incredibly uncomfortable being near the energy. Sure it’s easily recognized but naturally the body of a mobian will be appalled by it.

tul!edit >>> -# Cherry just continues thinking. Not verbally saying anything but as the negative chaos surged for a moment, it may seem like a threat for a moment. But with that expression barely seen, her eyes reveal just how exhausted she was as whatever light you’d usually expect even from frustration was simply not there. It seemed like she was not even paying attention to Selena right now.

• (“Over..and over..I just can’t..”)

• (“Am I really just useless? I’ve spent..so long trying to fix everything so no one has to worry— to even care! But..every-time I’ve tried my hand at a solution it only makes it worse.”)

• Her hands clutch tightly around her arms as she closes her eyes. Trying to just focus on calming herself, she’s not thinking straight and the negative chaos isn’t helping. It only sways her emotions in waves that reach far too much for what she truly feels. She even feels angry at Selena but— she knows that’s not how she actually feels. It’s just the magnifying every single bad swing through her mind. The signals in her brain not acting right at all as she can feel her temper waver for a moment before she forces herself to breathe while her body briefly twitches. More of the negative chaos energy sparks from her, to any mobian? It’s incredibly uncomfortable being near the energy. Sure it’s easily recognized but naturally the body of a mobian will be appalled by it.

-# Cherry finally snaps back out of it seeing Selena looking at her as her gaze looks up towards her. That look of curiosity was— worrying..she can’t let this energy spread, just being in contact with its servers as a horrific omen for anyone unfortunate enough to meet it. After all that’s been her personal hell since the day she even was born, she may not remember but judging by papers her mother had of her? It was likely she’s never had a day of peace.

“Don’t get any closer.”

• Her voice was quiet, exhausted. Cherry would look to Selena with a slight glare as if she was angry but. It’s pretty easy to tell that anger is likely the furthest thing from what she’s actually feeling despite the scowl. Exhaustion was one thing settling in on Cherry. Since the last transformation all she’s felt like is tired, even after waking up again after she lost control that exhaustion never went away.

• Though despite this she seemed on guard and wary, though outwardly it may seem, as if it’s personal but really to Cherry it’s not. This was just her way of trying to keep them out of harm’s way as she continued to spark with negative chaos energy as her emotions flare up for a moment.

• (”I can’t let anyone else get hurt..I can’t..”)

• Yet somehow it still felt useless..they’d just infect each other, she could sense the others with her affliction. She’s patient 0 and unfortunately despite all her efforts she’ll never stop the infection and never make a cure..it’s frustrating— no..infuriating. She tries to defy what seems to be a predetermined fate only for it to rise all over again just to spite her efforts.

-# She stares at Selena for a moment, her eyes looking back towards her own reflection as she continues to suffer from the tricks of her mind. All she can see is herself as that..that THING. Even if it did shelter her from pain it’s still just a wild beast. It has no sense of care! No fine judgement of who Cherry herself cares for! All it will do in an effort to save her is cause more unjust harm! That’s what it always has done and ever will!

• She was breathing a bit faster before a bolt of negative chaos shot from her arm, slowly cracking open a new wound before she’d tighten her fist. Stopping its progress before the negative chaos energy began to mend it..another scar..another mistake.

• (“I don’t want to make them feel bad— but I can’t let them get close to me! If they did it’d just ruin their life to. I’ve ruined enough..I don’t even know what I’m trying to do anymore and it’s getting people hurt! STUPID STUPID—”)

• She’d grit her teeth as finally it’s spiraled again, in a moment of her own frustration she simply throws a bolt of negative chaos energy straight through a tree that was already barely hanging to life. Just to be brutally snapped in two as the splinters of its word go flying into the water and begin to drift. The rest of the tree singed and following that same path, but to only sink.

• ”Damn it..why..” She questions under her breath but never finished the question, what was she asking? Clearly it’s not directed outwardly. But she’s desperate for some sort of answer..one she clearly can’t find.

-# She continues trying to steel herself though, clearly to not much luck as she grits her teeth. Covering her face with her hands as she takes a deep breath as negative chaos energy continues to surge around her body, the static almost manifesting into another bolt in a mostly random direction before she throws another into the water away from Selena.

• (“I can’t just..give up— right? I mean..if I do then..”)

• What would happen if she did give up? She would ponder about this for some time as she’d fall silent and remain still. Just letting her arms drop to her sides as she looks up to the clouds. The sound of the thunder rolling as the rain was starting to become heavier. She knows she should probably leave by now, just..move on. But for some reason or another she’s stuck. She just feels as if her body can no longer keep moving at all, like she’s cemented her feet into the ground or the lack-there-of. Simply because she feels..useless, just a random individual who suffers from an affliction no one will know or care for besides those who only want to use her.

• Why was fate such a cruel mistress when it came to her?

-# No response for a moment, then she just remains in place while her hands bawl into fist. Shaking as if angered before finally relaxing.

“No…too unstable.”

• That’s likely not an excuse either with how she says it. There’s no energy in her voice, no enthusiasm, nothing but exhaustion and dread. Even flinching a bit as more negative chaos would run down her arm leaving slight singes in her fur before she looks down to her hand with her gauntlet. She made it to try and solve an impossible problem and yet, somehow without success it failed..ever. Single. Time. When she needed it? It did nothing for her..

• (”Useless like everything else I’ve tried..it’ll only delay the inevitable, but I can’t even avoid it- can I?”)

• There was a word from a story that she had liked that exemplified just how helpless she feels. Odyessus, while a tale of a tragic hero..was riddled with pre-destination. No matter how much he knew, how hard he tried to make changes to fate and defy it? It was pre-determined his crew, would die. Much like him, it seems that her pre-determined fate was simply to be left alone as a beast that could only do harm to everything.

• “I..I can’t..”

-# Cherry would almost snap back at her but, hearing the last part she does realize it’s just— trying to be friendly. Though initially her little mood swings had misinterpreted far off what they meant..

”I said no— please..you don’t even understand what I’m even referring to..”

• Cherry would be letting out more small sparks of negative chaos energy, her other hand grasping her gauntlet as she was trying to increase the suppression. Trying to keep control..

-# “I can’t…I can’t keep taking this risk..”

• She was starting to walk away as she was only sparking with more negative chaos energy. She had to calm down, she had to get away from— this person. She can’t let them suffer for her own misfortune it’s just not fair!

)

(Well, nice rp. Unfortunately as said Cherry’s not in a good headspace so it’s hard to make her interact more than what her temper allows)

(Yeaaahhh- well apologies anyways. I do try to make my characters stick around but in character there’s only so much I can do for Cherry)