Community Vent Call-Out and Boundaries

Gonna put an end to all you mf’s who think you understand my life. You don’t understand shit. Oh, so you think it's funny to talk shit about me? You think it's funny to pick me apart, laugh at me, judge me, and make me out to be some fucking joke?

You finally did it.
You finally stopped pretending.
For once, I don't have to sit here wondering what some of you really think of me behind closed doors because you've made it crystal fucking clear.
All that resentment.
All that judgement.
All that shit you've been saying, thinking and feeling while smiling to my face.
It's all out in the open now.

No more pretending.
No more acting like you gave a shit.
Now I get to see exactly what some of you really think of me.
And honestly? Fuck you.

Because people wonder why I'm angry. People wonder why I'm bitter. People wonder why I don't trust compliments or support when it comes my way.
This is fucking why.
I'm honestly sick of people acting like getting help is the same for me as it is for everyone else.

"It's not that simple. It never has been."

People tell me to just focus on the positives, listen to the foolish people who support me, believe in myself, get therapy from losers who never felt the presence of thousands, whatever the fuck else. But they don't understand that a couple of supportive people doesn't magically erase years of bullshit.

Years of getting built up and then forgotten about.

Years of people telling me I'm talented, telling me I'm going places, telling me I've got something special, then disappearing.

Years of hate, criticism, rejection, mixed signals and watching support come and go depending on what mood people are in.

People think a few compliments should outweigh all that. They don't. They fucking don't. And it's not just that either. It's everything else going on in my life. Every time I think I've got one thing under control, something else comes along and punches me straight in the face. It never fucking stops. Stress. Disappointment. Feeling like I'm constantly fighting uphill while everyone else seems to get a break eventually.

Meanwhile I'm sitting here feeling more alone every year. Because nobody I know has ever lived my shoes.
That's the part nobody gets.

People think I'm just looking for validation. No shit I am. You know why? Because after years of having your confidence smashed around, after years of your self-worth depending on how people react to you, a couple of people saying "you're great" means absolutely fuck all compared to the mountain of doubt sitting in your head.

And on top of that, when you've spent years feeling like the whole fucking world either hates you, judges you, laughs at you, or looks straight through you like you don't even exist, of course it's going to fuck with your head. After a while, you start feeling completely unseen.

I don't need one person to believe in me.
I need enough proof to drown out years of feeling like I wasn't enough.